Adoption Adventures

Follow Cory and Rebecca on their quest to adopt!

MAPPing it all out

We’re currently in our second week of “model approach to partnership and parenting,” or MAPP, classes through our local department of social services. We were warned by folks who have gone through the classes that they’re very useful, but are partially designed to scare the daylights out of would-be foster and adoptive parents with worst case scenarios. That seems reasonably accurate so far. It appears we’re the only people in the class who are aiming to adopt rather than foster, and much of the class content (such as examples) makes the assumption that class participants are on track to foster. At any rate, it’s giving us a good understanding of what children in foster care have likely gone through and what kinds of emotions and behaviors they may express because of their experiences.

 

The classes have us doing a good deal of paperwork–some of it being homework and some being home study stuff. We already have a home study, but since DSS is planning on doing another one anyway, I guess we’ll get to be doubly approved.

 

 

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Rejects

We’ve been inquiring about kids for a few weeks now and have been hearing back from their social workers for almost as long. As avid/casual/one-time readers of our blog know, we’ve gotten the thumbs-up from several social workers so far and have been gently turned away by some others. Several folks have asked how it feels to be rejected by social workers, so here it is:

 

Sometimes being dumped by a social worker feels absolutely great! (Well, great with a tiny tinge of what-could-have-been sadness.) Those are the times when a social worker calls to tell us that the child we’ve inquired about is already in the process of being adopted. This was the case with the little girl in Alabama that Cory mentioned a few posts ago. Her new foster mom immediately fell in love with her, so it turns out she’s already living in her forever home! It’s hard to feel too disappointed when someone you hope the best for gets just that (and when it comes even sooner than it would have if they had come to live with us).

 

We’ve also been turned down outright by social workers for not being a “good match” with a child. Those situations haven’t been as happy as when a child has already been matched with their new family, obviously, but I still don’t get down about it. If a child’s social worker—who knows a whole lot more about them than we do—believes we wouldn’t fit together well, I’m going to trust their judgment. Some people might see that as a person saying that we aren’t capable of providing a child with a better life than they had in the home they were plucked out of, or that we’ve been classified as completely incompetent to parent any child. I see it as social workers recognizing that these kids have been through some really bad situations where grown-ups have repeatedly failed them, so they deserve the best possible family match in the future. We certainly don’t want a kid that would be better off with another family to be placed with us for the sake of our egos. Who would that be serving?

 

So we’re choosing to remain optimistic about things and not take rejections personally. It helps that we have also been sent several kids’ profiles by social workers who have specifically sought us out as a good potential match for their children. It all evens out in the end and, as always, Doris says (sings) it best:

 

 

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