Adoption Adventures

Follow Cory and Rebecca on their quest to adopt!

Bring it on, Potential Birthmoms!

on February 7, 2014
nancy-drew-mystery-at-the-lilac-inn

It’s a mystery!

As we’re inching ever-closer to going “live” on our adoption agency’s website (after updating our home study, background checks, and taking some other steps that sound small but actually take a while), I’ve begun thinking more about this whole adoption thing actually becoming a reality. As with most parents-to-be, my emotions range from excited to somewhat freaked out. The complete uncertainty in adoption timing definitely feeds the latter feeling. Although the average wait time for couples like us is around 15 months, technically a woman could pull up our website on her phone while she’s in labor and we could have a baby faster than we could put together a crib! And what if she’s having triplets?!? Or we could go for years without anyone expressing interest in us at all. Who knows? One thing I am definitely getting excited about is the opportunity to talk with potential birthmothers.

A couple of years ago, I was really worried about having conversations with potential birthmothers. Cory and I were still trying to adopt through foster care and in a moment of frustration with the process, I called up a friend who works at the agency we’re with now to talk through private adoption options. I confessed that I thought I’d be horrible at “marketing” us to potential birthmothers because I’m such a prochoice resource referral nerd.

Options are awesome!

Options are awesome!

What if every woman I talked with ended up going with another option because rather than sticking with talking points about what great parents Cory and I would be, I would be helping the woman brainstorm local resources that could help her parent if that’s her preference? Or referring her to a clinic if it turns out that what she truly wants is not to be pregnant at all? After I dumped all of that on my friend, she said something to the effect of, “Actually, that’s exactly what would make you really good at this. You’re not just trying to get a baby–you care about women and want them to be confident that they’ve made the best possible decisions.” She assured me that the agency does options counseling with everyone who contacts them, as well.

I now see talking with potential birthmothers as getting the chance to do some of my favorite things. I love helping people make solid decisions and life plans that make them feel good about themselves. I love helping people realize that they have options and opportunities. And I’m especially sensitive to the pressures and expectations that our society puts on women who are dealing with unplanned pregnancies. It will be fun to share the hopes we have for our future children and maybe we’ll even find enough common ground that it will lead to a solid adoption down the road!

Those calls are still a little while off, though. We’ll put up a post when we’re on the agency’s site and open for business. At that point, we can truly say:


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